The “I Refuse To Be a Gigantic Bleeding Pussy” Blog

Did you know that the odds of you having ever been born are 1 in 400,000,000,000,000? That’s supposed to say one in four hundred trillion in case I typed that big stupid number wrong. So through the chances of your parents being born from their parents and so on, your parents meeting and then choosing to have sweaty coitus together, you out racing the billions of other sperm to your mom’s eggs during the backstage Righteous Brother’s “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” concert tour gangbang in which you were conceived, surviving the whole gestation period, and then surviving birth; you were born as the biggest lottery winner on Earth. Even if there are like 7.5 billion other birth lottery winners on Earth right now, that’s just a sign that too many couples are playing the lottery. And the odds of a 30 year old man dying from all things imaginable on any given day is 1 in 260,000 and a 30 year old woman’s odds are 1 in 583,000 (once again, fuck your feminist lies). So your odds of dying at any time are far better than the random cosmic chance of your existence and you’ve beaten all of those enormous odds up to this moment in time. So what the fuck is holding any of us back from dominating the planet?

For myself, not only was I born but I have died twice and managed to come back. I have beaten the odds of life and death on different occasions and the fact that I’m not drooling on myself in a wheelchair is a whole other set of odds that I’ve beaten. But who knows, maybe I am dead and this is how shitty the afterlife really is and this blog is a warning from the mysterious hereafter to all of those that read it. Anyway, with all that said, what the fuck is it that’s holding me back from doing whatever I want?

So I have been investing in the stock market for 12 years now and I have spent the good part of this past year teaching myself how to invest rather than relying on my investment manager to do all of the work for me. I’ve been moderately successful with it too. It’s felt kind of cool but two things it hasn’t been is difficult or scary. It’s a little scary I guess, but I’ve never put enough eggs into one basket to worry about going broke. Even with the recent shakiness of the markets, namely China and their bullshit but that’s a whole other topic, I’m never too worried. I need to do something that scares me and I need to feel scared before I dive into it.

I haven’t written anything on here in a few months and I need and want to get back into the habit of writing on here, and while I’m going to continue writing random bullshit I want to dedicate part of this blog to conquering my fears. I don’t even know what those fears really are yet, but I will find them, and I will deal with them, and hopefully I’ll write something all sorts of silly-billy about them. I am going to start very small but of course those fears will naturally progress into conquering bigger fears. I’ll try to do something scary everyday but I doubt that will happen because we’re all probably only a few hundred fears away from playing Russian roulette with a double-barrel shotgun while doing the cinnamon challenge and kidnapping a baby, even if you’re a highly phobic person. So while I try to exercise my fears everyday and repeatedly exercise them to rid myself of those fears, I doubt I’ll write about it everyday, but every week. But if I write it on here, and whether anyone even reads this or not, I am signing a personal promise to overcome as many of my own fears as I can starting tomorrow.