I Stepped Through the Gates of Hell and Satan said, “Bonjour!”

Dear Facebook Diary,


So far in my 28th semester of college I have learned that French is the language of the devil and he speaks it with a poisonous tongue. I am only what, like, 5 weeks deep into my French 100: Beginning French class and it is already the hardest ‘foutu’ class I’ve ever taken. We only speak French in the class, the instructions are given in French, we have homework every day of the week, we have multiple quizzes and tests every week, I have to attend night class meeting thingy’s several nights per week, and the teacher tells me that everything is explained in the Blackboard online part of the class… in French.


And oh, don’t forget that I need to rent or purchase an Ipad for the class as well as rent a $150 book for the class that I can find online for $5 per month with free shipping, but I have to rent it from the college in order to get the serial number needed to log onto the online part of the class. This foreign language bullshit is the biggest fucking scam going. So in my final year at the University of Nebraska at Kearney, they have taught me that it is a scamming school headed by a mindless puppet that speaks for a committee of crooks.


Anyhow, today during French class I was unable to access the internet on my new Ipad that I bought for $700 because I refused to give this shithead school another $15 to rent one from them. It was only yesterday that I had gone into the campus’s IT headquarters located deep within the heavily guarded confines of Otto Olsen’s technological laboratory and a chubby but very un-cute girl had helped me get online, but today the shit wasn’t working. So after class I went back to the IT laboratory and found an Asian guy that was typing on an Apple computer, with an Apple Ipad next to him, wearing an Apple shirt, and not shitting you he was eating an apple. He also had a water bottle that looked to be filled with water but I would like to believe that it was filled with the new Apple clear apple flavored Iwater. Well he turned out to be the coolest guy in the world and he totally hooked me up to have a regular flow of interbutts on my new Ipad. Merci, super stereotypical Asian guy.


And let’s not forget that I have to buy a special green notebook from the college to write essays in because if I buy my own green notebook then I would be shorting the college another 52 cents because obviously the $1100 that I paid for this one single class will barely cover a student’s lunch.


So I went into the campus bookstore and was all like, “This fucking green notebook. What is it and where is it?” The two guys at the desk had no idea what I was talking about and then some older guy behind me pointed it out to me.

I was all, “Christ alive, I have to use my debit card to buy a 52 cent book?”

And the older guy was just like, “Nah son. I’ll pay for that shit.” So he bought the green notebook for me and I promised to buy him a cup of coffee.

I walked out of the bookstore and saw that there was a line in front of the coffee place and was all, “Nah faggot, you ain’t be getting no coffee today.” And I walked home.


Well this is a confusing day for me because I am still raging pissed about this ridiculous and personally useless French class that I am being forced to take and pay for in order to graduate, and yet I have encountered nothing but pleasant and giving people today. What really pisses me off is that learning a foreign language these days is a lot like learning how to solve complex math problems without a calculator. Name a situation where you would be lost in the forest or trapped on top of an erupting volcano and your survival depends on your ability to solve 9.357 divided by 7.2 without a calculator? Yeah, I’m unable to come up with a reasonable scenario for that either. The same thing is happening with language. You download a translator Apple App on your Apple I-whatever and right there you are able to translate every language on Earth. It’s damn near pointless to learn several languages these days, let alone be forced to pay thousands of dollars to a piece of shit school to learn them.


The real lesson to be taken away from these enforced foreign language classes is that if you or a relative, or your child wishes to obtain a college degree, do not send them to a Nebraska university. It’s a fucking waste of time and a lot of money and it has forced me to question myself as to why I even want a degree from UNK. Colleges have completely lost the belief that students are customers and that Universities are entirely funded by their customers and government. So without students, aka customers, colleges have no use. An increasing amount of professors are becoming 24 hour douche bags to their students and while they might spout out the bullshit that higher education is a privilege and not a right, well so are their paychecks. And when it is openly advertised that having a college degree means that you will be paid more money throughout your lifetime then it stops being a privilege and more of a right to receive a higher pay like everyone else. And if the University is already being funded by your own tax dollars then what right do they have to demand more money from you by requiring you to take courses that you neither need nor want to take? I like my teachers in the Theatre department but as far as how the overall university is run, fuck college. It’s funny how everyone knows that politicians are unable to run the government as a proper business and then expects a politician to properly run a university.


But I only have these two pointless French classes left in order to graduate, so whatever. I’m going to change out of my angry poopy pants and workout now.