The funniest show in the world

Friday, May 25, 2007

To Catch a Predator on MSNBC. It is the funniest fucking thing that I have ever seen on television. It’s better than watching the fat kid try to climb the rope in gym class. It is a show about guys trying to live out their dirty fantasy of bonking the hot cheerleader that they never got to pork in high school, and then they get busted and put on television for soliciting a minor. I would feel sorry for some of these guys if they didn’t all look like total pieces of shit. If a good looking 25 year old guy tries to hook up with a 16 year old and someone asks him why, then he could just point to an average 25 year old woman in America (by the way, I show no mercy for the obese). However, if a guy looks like a fat lump of poop himself then he has absolutely no right to talk to an attractive girl whether she is of age or not.

Let me get down to the brass tax here. Sex with teenage girls is pushed upon guys through media and television on a daily basis. Has anyone noticed that children shows like ‘Lizzie Mcguire’ and ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ always seem to have their marathons after 11:00 PM? What “children” are watching these all night marathons that are filled with attractive and spunky little teens jumping around and wearing schoolgirl outfits? They obviously know that fat forty-year-old hairballs are stroking their skindogs to these shows at night. Teenage girls are also shown as being attractive and sexy in all of the movies these days, and then when these actresses get older they are either no longer seen in movies or they are casted to play the queen of England. As a guy myself I can attest to the constant mental mind fucking by underage girls in this society. I walk by the local GAP and I see posters of sweet little underage betty’s wearing bikinis and giving me those “fuck me” eyes that I usually get from a Twinkie hog standing next to a vending machine. I watch MTV and all I see are giddy little teenage girls wearing G-strings and getting all hot bothered by mega nerds like Carson Daly, and that makes me realize that I’d probably have a chance at scoring with those girls. I open an issue of Barely Legal to nourish my brain with current events while I sit on the crapper, and I am instantly bombarded with pictures of teenage girls taking part in some hard ass sweaty fuck action. Our society is constantly telling us guys that it is perfectly natural to be sexually attracted to Hannah Montana and then the laws are all turned against it.

I’ve also noticed that most of the guys caught on this show claim to be virgins. When I look at these guys I truly believe that to be true. Maybe if we had some legal form of prostitution that wasn’t ridiculously expensive in this country, there wouldn’t be so much sexual frustration. I’ve known girls that would fuck anything with the ability to hold a beer, and despite this willingness to give back to their community they live in a shitty trailer home. If we gave these girls a bar of soap and a job doing what they have a passion for, which is getting boned and smoking hog, then we would not only have fewer sex offenders but we would also have less women working at Burger King and living in furnitured horse trailers. I would be much more proud of my daughter if she was a penile pin cushion and lived in a bigger house than mine, rather than have a daughter that lives in a box and sucks dick for popcorn.

This show also brings up a few questions with me. When did people stop laughing every time a guy asked a 14 year old girl if she was into deepthroating? Where did everyone’s sense of humor go? This stuff really is kind of funny and if we were able to laugh at it and give these sexual deviants a pat on the back and say, “Hey buddy, let’s get you an escort and get you laid.” then we would have a much more mentally healthy society. A lot of these guys ask the girl if she is into anal sex, so they are obviously familiar with the saying, “If there’s no grass on the field then just play in the dirt.” I also want to know what website these people chat on. I think these websites are the pinnacle of the freedom of speech in this country. So long as you don’t send pictures of your dong and go to the girl’s house, then you’re really not breaking the law. You can just say that it is entirely fantasy and the government has no right to tell you what you can and cannot fantasize about in your own head. So I’d probably get onto one of these websites and type some extremely hot and horny shit. There is also a girl that acts as a decoy when the guy arrives at the supposed minor’s house. The girl is actually over the age of 18 and I think she’s smoking hot. So if I’m attracted to this sweet and petite little barely legal looking angel, am I really a sexual predator that wants to pound a minor into submission with my fuck stick? Or am I just another American guy that has had images and suggestions of having sex with hot teenage girls beaten into my brain my entire life? Who knows, I’m going to wack off to some hot Nickelodeon yum-yum and go to bed with a mess on my stomach.

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