Picking my butt and smelling my fingers

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

It has been colder than Rosie O’ Donnell’s heart in Nebraska this week, and I have done absofuckinlutely nothing but sit on my ass. I have perfected the art of proper log formation to get the most productive and self sustaining fires in the fireplace. I have also mastered making overly strong coffee by pouring the coffee back through the filter holding the coffee powder, and repeating. I bought Spiderman 2 for Playstation2 and have already about beat it in only three days. I’ve also been reading a lot too. I’m reading “Why We Want You to Be Rich”, by Donald Trump and Robert Kobayashi. It isn’t a ‘how to get rich book’. It’s about why the middle class is falling apart and why changing the middle class’ views on money is the only way to stop it. I also watched a smart show about Sigmund Freud today, and that made me want to be hypnotiized (Sigmund Freud was a huge believer in using hypnotism to change a person for the better). So I looked up a bunch of hypnotist sites and came upon one with audio that would actually hypnotize you for free. So I locked the doors and gave it a try. It actually worked! I’ll explain what happened: I visualized a forest and a stream…blah…blah…blah.

But then it had me visualize a container with something very important inside. I visualized this plaid toy box with a black lid that I had at the foot of my bunk bed when I was little. Then when it asked me to open the box, I found the gayest fucking thing in the upper 48. It was Lionheart. If you don’t know who Lionheart is, it is the lion Care Bear with a heart on its stomach. Why in the hell would I see that?  I’m also taking an acting class every Wednesday. I just signed up for it to try something new. I’m going to get pretty serious about finding a not so serious job once God stops punishing Nebraska by letting the damn sun come out again.

Anyway, one of my roommates moved out and a much cooler roommate moved in. There’s now a 760 inch T.V. and a 40 foot wrap-around couch in the living room. He also has a bad ass dog that is smarter than a 10 year old child that was born with some extra chromosomes. I just hope he’ll mow the lawn this spring or else I’ll have to find another roommate.

Back to the hypnotism thing. I’ve fully realized that I have become a bit of a hobbit-pussy during the past couple years. I read a psychology article about “worriers” and I fit the description perfectly. Now I’m worried about the fact that I am a worrier. My problem is that I’m always thinking ahead before I ever commit to doing something; which then causes me not to do it. You know what I mean? The article also said that most people tell worriers that they “think too much.” I could relate to the article in every way. I’m trying to get rid of that problem now; which is why I’m semi interested in hypnotism now. I used to be pretty fucking crazy and I did a lot of stupid things in my past. I miss that part of me. So now I’m trying to find that part of me again. Oh yeah, I think I’m going to shave my legs tomorrow. I’ve been slimming down and getting my six pack abs back, and other than being five and a half feet tall, I am reaching the pinnacle of hot sexuality. I’m now 192 lbs. with around 10% bodyfat. I hate body hair so I think I’ll get rid of it. Goddammit I am a hot piece of man-ass. I just can’t keep my hands off of myself. This is a long and boring blog but I just felt like writing something long and boring. I’m all hopped up on coffee and ephedrine now, so I’m gonna go pump some friggin’ iron. Please wish me luck in becoming a hairless Care Bear blowing tenderfoot with six-pack abs, and enjoys being curled up in front of a roaring fire.

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