Now I need a cigarette

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I just want to write this blog as a thank you note to the thousands of insecure women that post “cute” pictures of themselves with their tits almost popping out of their shirt on Myspace. There is something extremely hot about seeing a girl that I know, but don’t always see her in a sexual way, showing off as much of her body as possible without actually getting naked. It’s kind of like how certain girls dress on Halloween. They dress like total fucking prostitutes and act like they’re just trying to be cute or something, because Halloween is a great excuse to dress like a cocktease without taking ridicule for it. So if you’re one of those girls that puts pictures of you and your friends bending over and letting your tits dangle in front of the camera, and then you put a caption saying “Me and the girls just goofing off” or some stupid shit, I just want to tell you that you’re not fooling anyone. You probably are a bit of a whore and Myspace is your place to flaunt your tits around the world without having to hear your friends give you shit about it. I won’t say names but I just saw the Myspace page for a girl that I sort of knew in high school and her pictures almost made me pump my pants full of kids. Thank God the meter man came knocking on the door or I would have been stomping the floor and sanding my love log all morning. She was wearing low-cut shirts and pulling her pants down and making oral connotations to the camera and it was like really cool and I had this raging boner and wow. I wish I could say her name on here because I want to tell her that she does look like a total whore on her page even though all the captions suggest that she wasn’t intentionally posing like a floozy. It’s sort of the reason that I don’t put pictures of myself on here; except for a couple with a cut out of my face. I say some retarded shit on here and I don’t want to be associated with it unless people already know who I am. Even if you see a picture of my face you probably won’t recognize me in public. But these girls just throw themselves on here with their boobs and buttocks hanging out and they don’t think that it’ll make an impression on anyone. If I see this girl in a bar around here then I’m gonna be all over her like Manbearpig on a trash can full of Slim Jims because I’ve already seen her almost naked, and I like what I saw. I won’t explain what Manbearpig is, but it’s pretty scary. To sum this all up, if you are a fairly normal girl that posts pictures of yourself in hot and horny poses or with your tits all over the place, please let me know about it. Especially if you are a girl that I’ve actually met in person because that is definitely hotter for some reason.

I’d also like to add that this all applies to guys that pose with their shirts off on here too. You look like insecure homosexuals. If you are gay and you post shirtless pictures of yourself on Myspace it isn’t as bad as straight guys doing it, but it does mean that you actually are an insecure homosexual.

I don’t know, I suppose life is short and youth is even shorter. So if you do have a good body then don’t be afraid to show it. Just don’t pretend that the rest of the world has Down syndrome and doesn’t know that you are purposely taking pictures from an overhead view just so you can show your cleavage.

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