I’ll get more pussy than you can shake a dick at

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I was unofficially fired from my job this week. I also went to take the A.C.E. personal trainer test but I forgot some password thingy that they send in the mail. So they wrote me up as a “no show” and now I have to pay the full $229 just to take the test again. For some odd reason though I don’t even remotely give a shit. I’m going to start looking for jobs that are either downtown or at least close to downtown. I need to find a cool and relaxing job while I really try to figure out what I want to do with myself. I’m renting a really nice house that’s way the fuck out in the boonies, so I’ll have to drive a ways to get to a downtown job. I need to be in the city again. Omaha is a pretty lame excuse of a city but it’ll have to do for now. I really want to be around weird and interesting people again. I’ve fucking had it with the Husker loving sport’s bar jockeys in my neck of the woods.

As far as me getting all that pussy, let me tell you what is on my agenda. I want to get a laid back job where I can look however the hell I want. That way I can dye my hair, get tattoos, maybe pierce something, and basically act like a smug asshole to normal people. I am already a very lean and buff 210 pounds, so now I am just going to drop all the body fat and be a friggin’ six pack wielding stud (I’ve done it before). I’ll be that wierd guy with cool hair that wears really cool clothes and has a smoking hot body. People will wonder if I’m a rock star, or a drug addict, maybe I’m some sort of genius that’s lost his way, they may wonder if I’m gay but the girls will think it’s hot, maybe I’m really fucking mean, they’ll look at me and say, “Now that guy’s got a big dick!”, kids will try to act like me, MILF’s will name their Fukuoku hand held massager after me, girls will accidentally scream my name while having crappy sex with their lame boyfriend, I’ll see my name on someone else’s license plates, Lake Zorinsky will be renamed Luke Zorinsky, and lots of girls will be shy around me because they’ll think that I’m all experienced; even though I’m just a meathead nerd that freezes up around cute girls.

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