Dear Facebook Diary (3/23/12)

Tonight I am not drinking my gin and tonic for means of relaxation, but I am drinking it to help me swallow the taste of defeat. I went to work today feeling fairly happy because I normally work at night nowadays. After a semi long and meaningless day at my menial job I decided to go home and pump some motherfucking iron with my rock hard bod. I worked out rather rough cause it ain’t easy being buff n’ stuff. I did arms because I hadn’t done my arms since last Thursday but I also did some more hamstring stuff that I didn’t do yesterday. So after 12 sets of kiggley hamsquirts I went for my usual walk and jog around Harmon Park and the UNK campus. On the way, Matt and Ryan yelled my name and scared the scat out of me. I met them over at the basketball court in the park that nobody knows the actual name of but I know that it’s Apollo Park. I figured I would just stop and chat and then be on my way, but they convinced/ forced me into playing a game of basketball. I look like I am built like a brick shithouse. Or at least a brick shithouse meant for midgets because I’m not the tallest brick shithouse, but I look athletic as fuck. I’ve got so many cock veins throughout my body that it makes my own cock jealous and my cock has got a lot of cock veins to begin with. However, I am the least athletic male in the Midwest, especially at a sport like basketball. Unborn children have kicked my ass at basketball. Short story shorter, I got my as whooped. I had a goliath high school shemale and a black guy on my team and I still had my ass handed to me by Ryan’s team. The fuck, man? I continued my walk and jog by running because my thighs burned like the furnace of Auschwitz and I needed food and a leak and I think I was crying too.
Speaking of Jews, I am no longer worried about Santorum becoming the Republican nominee. I read an article put out about an hour ago where he was saying that he would support the nominee even if it wasn’t himself, and then he apologized to Romney for jumping on the Etch a’ Sketch comment. He pretty much went out like a bitch. That makes me happy because religion mixing with politics scares the shit out of me. I have no trust in leaders that get on their knees and pray or read the Bible for advise rather than looking to science and other people for help. Science will fly you to the moon and religion will fly you into a skyscraper and there is literally nothing in history that can prove otherwise.

The weather is getting so nice now and it’s making my loins burn. They burn so hot. I need to get some stinky on my hang-down soon. I’m talking about getting laid Facebook Diggity, I’m talking about getting laid. I went to Denver last week and every time I go back to Denver I see my future fit wife walking down the street. Then I come back to Kearney and I see what my future fit wife would look like after she’s farted out four of my kids and then got ran over by the ugly bus and was dragged for a few miles before she fell off in front of a Wendy’s and then spent a decade nursing herself back to health with Baconators. The sad thing is that despite my being a fitness freak I’d fuck either one of them right now because these loins are so hot… so very hot.

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