Dear Facebook Diary (3/20/12)

This is the most boring Spring Break that I have experienced in my interval-ish college career, and I love it. I have done nothing but pump iron and bate to Internet porn from sun up to sun down and now I’m sipping on a G and T totty while eyeballing Ron Paul on the Tonight Show. I was thinking that my vote for President was still up in the air and it would come down to who Romney chose for his running mate, but now I’m leaning entirely towards Democrat. The Repubs are turning this election into a religious debate and it has killed my political boner. If life were a party, the Republicans would be the fun hating dork that confronts you at the keg and tells you how you’re offending Jesus by drinking beer and getting your dick sucked by drunk girls looking for a ride home. I cannot stand retards that mix politics with religion. Especially retards that say that this country was founded on Christianity. If you can find any reference to God in the U.S. constitution then I will swallow your farts Facebook Diary, because those references aren’t there.

Well since you asked Facebook Diary, I did chest and shoulders today. I went up to 230 on front military press and in the middle of my war cry I had an epiphany. That epiphany is that I need to slim the fuck down in a big way. I look like a roidy toad right now and I want to look more like JCVD. That’s Jean Claude Van Damme if you’ve never seen Time Cop or Blood Sport you Facebook Diary dolt. I want to look ripped as all shit with abs and a sucked in face and basically gay I suppose. The reason that gay guys are thin is because they can’t get married. I’m straight but comparatively speaking I am still somewhat thin because I am single. Marriage and commitment is what makes you fat. The purpose of any man, gay or straight, is to attract some ass. Once a man has committed himself to a single piece of ass for the rest of his life there is no reason to remain thin. If gay marriage becomes legal then most homosexual men will suddenly become fat buttfucking dick blowers, and nobody likes fat buttfucking dick blowers. So it is in all homosexual men’s best interest to keep gay marriage illegal. Of course money supersedes all of these rules because any person that plays catcher during sex is a whore, and whores love money more than anything. So if you have money then you can eat whatever the hell you want.

Back to the subject, I’ve had a Backstage membership for like a year and a half and now I’m taking it seriously. My New Year’s resolution last year was to be on TV and I got my goofy ass onto the Bio Channel. My resolution this year is to get into a movie. I’ve been submitting my resume to a lot of SAG and semi-SAG movies and I’ve gotten several replies back. They tell me that I need some film reels that show my dramatic side so I’ve set up one of my Canon Vixia cameras and I am now making audition videos in my apartment. Oh it is a real hoot Facebook Diary! I’m going to do a monologue from “127 Hours” but instead of having my hand stuck between some rocks, I’m going to have it stuck in my toilet. That one will have to wait until I have it memorized because tomorrow I’m going to do a monologue that I had to do for my Acting I class last semester. It’s about a Jewish guy that doesn’t understand women and can’t get laid. Anyways FD, I need to mix another totty. So you know…

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