Thursday, February 7, 2008
Over the course of one month, I have begun going to film school, I have gone to the porn awards in Las Vegas, I have gotten laid, I have successfully jump started my own car, I have quit my shitty job, and I have come to fully realize exactly what I want to do with my life. Why I am so happy that I could just shit.
I feel this huge sense of relief now that I finally know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I am going to write and direct movies/shows, make lots of money, drive a GT Lamborghini LS-HoverCraft, and have casual sex with extremely attractive unemotional women that are obedient home servants to me because they are social retards. I fucking love this whole film school thing. It is exactly what I’ve been looking for. I haven’t officially made an actual movie so to speak, but I tend to take the part of director during the group film thingys because everyone likes the way I “visualize” scenarios, and that has showed me that I can be a leader as well as giving me a huge sense of satisfaction in being a director. The teachers even like the film thingys that I direct and even more so how I edit them. Directing is so fucking awesome and easy that I don’t understand why societies still have occupations like garbage truck drivers, janitors, cannon fodders, gloryhole sweepers, and surgeons. Everyone on the planet should either want to be an actor or a director.
One of my script teachers told me that she thinks I am a very natural writer because of the e-mail I sent her explaining my absence from class the other day. You see, I was absent because I had accidentally left my headlights on and my battery was dead. Being that I didn’t leave my apartment until noon, I didn’t have enough time to find somebody to help me jump start my car and still get to class on time. I only live about four or five blocks from the school, but it was cold and there was like three inches of snow on the ground, and I’m not going to walk through that shit. That wasn’t the e-mail that I sent her but that was the actual reason that I missed the class. She said that my explanation of the circumstances seemed naturally funny and entertaining, and that showed her that I had a natural talent for explaining simple situations in an entertaining way. Shitting-A man, I have found my talent and that feels great.
The only down side of this film school thing is the amount of time it requires. All of the teachers gave us a sort of warning during the first day of classes, saying that if we don’t have a lot of free time outside of class or at least very flexible work schedules, then we should strongly reconsider going to this school. Seeing the incredible amount of reading, homework assignments, weekend filming projects, and the fact that each class is 3-4 hours long, I’ve realized that the teachers weren’t just jerking me off when they said that. So it’s a damn good thing that I quit that job when school started, but now it’s fucking impossible to find a new job when I tell them my time schedule. Every fucking business on this planet is now owned by some monster corporation, and corporations are heartless empires that don’t have the slightest care in the world for their lower level employees. I just want to find some kind of mom and pop owned store or something to work at and I can’t find anything even remotely close to that. Small businesses are everywhere in my hometown of Bumfuck Nebraska, but they’re nowhere to be seen in the urban metropolis of Denver. I really need a fucking job right now and every place I apply to seems to consider working 39 hours a week as being part time, because that way they are getting full time workers but they don’t have to pay benefits because I wouldn’t be working a full 40 hours a week. At least that was the shit that Sports Authority tried to pull, even though I ended up working 70 plus hours a week sometimes. What a fuckhead greedy world we live in these days.
That’s why I’m deciding to be rich someday. So I can give something back to all of the large breasted blonde bimbos that can’t get a job because they’re illiterate or because they’ve been categorized into an unfair stereotype due to their frequent knob slobbering with strangers. As I said, I am good at visualizing things, and I want to make this unfair world realize my vision. I envision a world where working 8 hours a week is considered working overtime, where women instinctively know that shorter guys have bigger dicks, where health insurance isn’t only free but it includes unlimited nurse given handjobs to help keep social aggression at a minimum, a world where MTV still shows music videos, a planet that embraces global warming because I fucking hate cold weather, a world without toilets because adult diapers are much more logical and time saving, an America that treats mental depression with marijuana and glazed blueberry Krispie Kreme doughnuts rather than using harmful narcotic based drugs, and the list goes on but I can’t think right now because that last vision has made me really hungry. So now I’m going to turn off my computer and find something to eat.